I've GOT IT!

When Hubby first deployed - not even when he was in Korea for our first year of marriage - when he first deployed.  I sat in this room on our bed (we got a new one after that deployment) and was heartbroken at having to send my husband off to war.  I started writing.  Random things that I thought sounded so interesting.  Life took over, I found my groove and that fell by the wayside.  When I started it though, I thought, I want people to know that we are just regular wives of husbands with different jobs.  I was going to write a book about how to get through it.  I knew I was strong enough to do it - after all, I KNEW my husband would go SOMEWHERE unsafe at some point in our marriage.  I don't know how I knew - we were married more than a year before 9/11.

I picked up my writing some time later and read it and thought it sounded ridiculous.  I think I saw that notebook not too long ago.  It still sounds ridiculous.

I've seen all the milspouse blogs.  I've even seen a calling from militaryonesource for spouse blogs.  I always think -  simultaneously - what a great idea and why now?

I have noticed a HUGE sense of entitlement from spouses emerging.  I'd love to say it's the newer spouses, but it's not just them.  I'd love to blame it on the young, but it's not just them, either.  I just know that I'm hugely irritated that there aren't more wives like me.  I was probably an Army wife in the wrong era. 

I never thought I was doing anything special.  I carried on my life with as much dignity and grace as I ever had.  I went out with trusted friends - and just had fun.  I get a lot of looks when I say I "went out" - seriously - there was no funny business.  I was never interested and I was with friends who were of the same mind - and would have jackslapped me if I looked like I was veering down the wrong path.  I never did - it was never a worry.  Those of my friends whose husbands were in town - took care of stuff I needed -mowing the lawn (which I paid him for), and random help outs.  Not surprisingly, they're the same people doing the same things for me today...while my husband is on active duty in another location.

I still don't think I did anything special.  When people would ask me how I did it?  I never understood - how could I not?  I married him knowing this about the military.  There are separations.  The war part?  Oh - I just quit watching the news.  I can tell you when:  March 6, 2004.  Before that I watched it ALL.THE.TIME.  I wanted to learn what was going on - and I'd ask Hubby.  When he deployed, I didn't want to know anymore.  I quit watching.  I used to pride myself on being caught up on current events and the ways of the world.  I voluntarily dove into blissful ignorance.  I haven't really been bothered by it either.

I've thought a lot about it lately.  What message was I trying to send when I wanted to write?  Why am I endlessly irriated with some of the milspouse blogs?  Why am I SO completely bothered by those who act entitled because they are Army wives - and whose husbands haven't deployed at all. 

This morning, I realized in 6 weeeks, my husband will have fulfilled his active duty time.  He'll be on terminal leave and moving here with us. 

In nearly 12 years of marriage:

I survived a tour in Korea out of the gate - he was gone and we visited 3 times - twice I went to Korea and once we met in Hawaii for TWO weeks.

I moved to Texas where I learned who I was - a strong wife whose husband is in the Army - a strong person who can take on whatever needs to be done.

I survived two deployments - and actually flourished.  I feel like there were good aspects of them in that I learned how much stronger I really am...

I delivered two children.  The first, my husband was at war so my mom was with me.  The second, he was scrambling a flight from another state, as was my mom - so a friend was there. 

I moved 5 times - 4 of them in 4 years. 

I have done so much and I am so proud of our family - every one of us has proudly lived this life.  Words escape me on this.  We didn't just endure, we flourised.  We didn't just survive - we LIVED.  We've grown a lot as individuals and as a family.

Then, as is so often the case, I was getting out of the shower when I realized:  I was an Army wife before it was cool.  That's it - I was an Army wife before it was cool.  It has been the subject of so much, it's everyone's favorite cause right now.  I was there before all that.  Sometimes I wonder where all the hoopla was at the height of two wars in two locations.  Then I realize how much stronger I am.

Here's to the next chapter - Retirement and all the challenges that brings!

Cooking during Separations

I'm an Army wife of nearly 12 years.  I handle separations like I handle a cold...usually pretty good...but sometimes...

The separation is oddly reminiscent this time.  But only when my kids are asleep.  When I left here in December 2007, my youngest was just a month old - which made my older 18 mos old.  Times sure have changed.

I still don't cook well for myself.  I'll munch on the boys' plates or I'll eat something I shouldn't - all in the name of convenience.

Sunday, I got a wild hair.  I decided I wanted to cook something for me.  I could have invited friends - but since it was 4pm, I decided not to bank on that and commenced to finding something that thrilled me.  I was perusing one of my fave's The Pioneer Woman .  I have found some awesome inspiration there.  It was no different on Sunday.

I actually found a recipe for Pork chops and pineapple fried rice.  Well, I didn't have any pork chops but I read through the recipe thinking, I'll add it to the grocery list.  It had a decidedly Asian flair upon reading it and that sounded splendid.  I decided I could substitute my chicken and I had everything else.

I read through the recipe section for the fried rice.  It sounded plenty easy - except, I don't like pineapple.  No problem, I decided - I'll alter it.  (I also had to leave out the peas because I didn't have any and pimientos because I didn't have them and I wasn't sure I'd like them anyway.)

The results were absolutely scrumptious.  I enjoyed every bite of it.  I never knew fried rice was so relatively easy.  It made me remember why I should absolutely cook well for myself.  But I probably won't.

Maybe I'll try it with the pork chops one day. 

Where do you find cooking inspiration?